I am my mom’s only child. Growing up, my mom was my everything and even though her mom (your great grandmother) had died when I was 12 months old, I knew just how close she and my mom were. I had been raised with the wonderful notion that mothers and daughters were to be best friends. Growing up, I knew that I would have children someday and because of the relationships around me, I just always saw myself having a little girl. I wanted to keep alive the traditions of mothers and daughters and someday have a daughter who would love me as much as I loved my own mom and visa versa. Well, when Daddy and I got pregnant, I was of course thrilled and knew that I would be happy with whatever healthy child that I was given. I was so excited to find out your gender that we booked an early ultrasound at 16 weeks. After a little bit of orange juice and rolling around, the tech happily announced that you were a BOY! I realized then that I never actually thought about what it would be like to have a son. After we left the ultrasound clinic, Daddy and I went to Home Depot and proudly bought blue paint. It was our first “boy” purchase. That night, once we were home, I went into the beginnings of your nursery to put away the small amount of girl clothes that I had collected (you see, I was one of those people who started buying clothes before I even knew the gender of our baby). As I folded and packed the pink onesies, the fluffy tutu, and the ruffled socks…I cried. I cried because I was mourning the loss of a daughter that I expected but was not going to have. I did not cry because you were a boy, I cried simply because my expectations had been misaligned. After that night and after that single set of tears, I was in boy mode. You were all I could think of.
It’s now 4 1/2 years later and I am completely, 100% a boy mom. You are my proudest accomplishment in life and I don’t know what I would do without your dinosaur noises, your love of superheros, and your boyish antics. As Daddy and I ponder the idea of adding to our family, I find myself daydreaming of boys. How lucky would I be to have not one, but two or three sons? I daydream about you having a brother and how close you would be as you got older. As you know, Mommy is a wedding photographer and ever since I’ve had you, I notice the pride and love in a mother’s eyes when her son is getting married. My heart softens when I see a grown man hug his mother without abandon and dance with her proudly on a floor in front of their family and friends. Yes, boys are a wonderful thing and despite gender, I know that we will continue the tradition passed down on me from my mother and grandmother. Thank you for being you.
I love you always,
Thank you to my amazing, talented friend Anita Martin for these photos of me and my little man.
April Nienhuis is an amazing photographer, mother, and person…click on over to her site to read her letter and to view her gorgeous images! http://www.aprilnienhuis.com/letters-to-our-sons-october-2012/